I suck at laundry

I am going to become a monk like Friar Tuck so I can wear a burlap sack tied with a rope and when it gets dirty I'll just throw it out and get a new sack.

My tips for having more laundry than you'll ever be able to wash:

1. Be a girl who likes clothes, thereby owning a lot of them. Preferably they should be all different categories so that you need to change clothes multiple times a day (work, casual, workout, etc.) Also, keep clothes forever, even that skirt that you could now only wear as a legwarmer.

2. Don't choose an outfit the night before. This is a foolish way to save valuable time. You're much better off waiting till the morning, when your brain is half asleep and you have no spare time to hunt for missing shoes or bras that aren't neon-colored and show through your tops.

3. Try on every conceivable item in your closet before deciding on an outfit. Don't be afraid to try on summer items in the winter, or clothes that haven't fit since college. These disasters will instill you with a healthy dose of self-loathing that will get your morning started right.

4. As you nix outfit after outfit, throw everything in heaps on the floor in a trail leading from your bedroom to your bathroom and back again. It is your pants' fault that you are 2 sizes larger than them; don't think that taking your anger out on the pants is a waste of time - it isn't! Show those pants who's boss by refusing to put them back on a hanger!

5. When returning from work, discard worn clothes in a pile on the floor. You are way too tired to worry about putting them in a laundry hamper right now. Just find your sweatpants and collapse in front of the TV.

6. Return to the pile days later. With any luck, you have now forgotten which clothes are actually dirty and which clothes are just try-on rejects. Even better, your clean clothes should be sufficiently wrinkled now as to warrant washing even if they weren't originally dirty.

7. Bask in your laundry nightmare as it not only becomes a cycle, but, due to shrinking availability of clothes on hangers, actually becomes worse with time!